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Thank you for writing this. It's one of the most thoughtful responses to this controversy that I've seen. Everyone seems so certain in their opinion on this. I feel like I'm in a minority of people who have a lot of thoughts that don't fit into either side of this argument.

For example:

Phil had every right to be there and dress as he chooses and saying he shouldn't have been is a kind of controlling behavior I don't like. But I also have to admit it makes me somewhat uncomfortable to see him wearing a dress when, for someone with AGP, clothes are so directly associated with sexual arousal. For what it's worth, I would feel the same way if a straight woman who openly, repeatedly, and publicly talks about her BDSM interests came to work wearing bondage gear as part of her outfit. I wouldn't make a scene or call her a terrible person, but I'm also not a bad person for having my feelings of "yeah, I'd prefer you keep that at home."

There have been some radfem & GC people making some AWFUL comments about Phil that fall well outside of basic decency. I have no patience for listening to arguments that rely on cruelty and personal attacks. But I am also disappointed in the online behavior of some people defending Phil who claim they have a compassionate approach and want nuanced conversations engaging in the kind of insults, name-calling, and social media toxic behavior of the people attacking Phil. We're not helping anyone this way.

Finally, I think what Phil was wearing or his identity as an AGP (or AHS) is the LEAST important thing to be discussed and critiqued. I would rather talk about critiques of his theories, their strengths and their weaknesses, and questions about him redefining certain terms to better fit his theories (as Lisa Selin Davis did in her interview with him). I'd rather push back on things he's said about adolescent girls and ROGD that I think show a serious gap in his knowledge. I'd want to have conversations about whether Phil has a blurred line between objectivity and personal bias/lived experience or if others give too much weight to the status of "self-aware AGP" when engaging with what he says.

I don't know the answers, but I appreciate this piece for being willing to engage more thoughtfully on this controversy.

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