I really did try having a casual relationship once. I had just ended a three year, way-too-serious mess of a relationship and decided to have a “summer fling” with a guy who was pursuing me and I thought was really hot. By the end of summer I found I’d grown kind of attached to him. That was 1994. We’ve been married 24 years now. We still joke about the “summer fling”. I am clearly not cut out for casual sex but I agree with you that for those who are it’s best to be honest with themselves and smart about it.
I will mention that for me, and I think this isn’t uncommon especially in women, sex causes me to become emotionally bonded to someone. So trying to have casual sex with someone unsuitable for a long term relationship would have been a disaster for me (and I’m lucky that my fling turned out to be a good man who wanted a long term relationship with me). I realize not everyone is built this way, though. But it’s the major pitfall I see. (As I watch the train wreck of my 19 year old daughter trying repeatedly to break up with her mess of a boyfriend but can’t quite do it because she’s too emotionally entwined with him, probably for this reason. Sucks watching your kids relive your mistakes.)
I’m gay, and that perhaps facilitates younger women in my family speaking openly. They like sex. They like love. They want both, as do we all. They are not shy about pursuing the pleasures of sex without having to guarantee love. Good for them.
I really did try having a casual relationship once. I had just ended a three year, way-too-serious mess of a relationship and decided to have a “summer fling” with a guy who was pursuing me and I thought was really hot. By the end of summer I found I’d grown kind of attached to him. That was 1994. We’ve been married 24 years now. We still joke about the “summer fling”. I am clearly not cut out for casual sex but I agree with you that for those who are it’s best to be honest with themselves and smart about it.
I will mention that for me, and I think this isn’t uncommon especially in women, sex causes me to become emotionally bonded to someone. So trying to have casual sex with someone unsuitable for a long term relationship would have been a disaster for me (and I’m lucky that my fling turned out to be a good man who wanted a long term relationship with me). I realize not everyone is built this way, though. But it’s the major pitfall I see. (As I watch the train wreck of my 19 year old daughter trying repeatedly to break up with her mess of a boyfriend but can’t quite do it because she’s too emotionally entwined with him, probably for this reason. Sucks watching your kids relive your mistakes.)
Nice piece.
I’m gay, and that perhaps facilitates younger women in my family speaking openly. They like sex. They like love. They want both, as do we all. They are not shy about pursuing the pleasures of sex without having to guarantee love. Good for them.
I think you're completely right. Lesbians I know generally enjoy the casual sex they DO have a lot more, though most don't have an awful lot.
Amen to that!