Thank you. I wish I could give this to every trans-identified young man in my daughter's social circle. Contrary to popular belief, they are not narcissistic jerks. They are not whiny or snow flake-y. I've met several absolutely lovely, sweet and kind young men who are so, so confused. There is no doubt in my mind that if they continue on this path, most will come to regret it. My heart aches for them.
The reason that they ask you is they know that you don’t hate them, but you also will talk to them straight. That should not be so rare, but it seems to be.
Also, thank you for pointing to the modern phenomenon of identity culture. This has been bothering me for years. It's a linguistic sleight of hand that disembodies people, that centers self as avatar, rather that experiences, actions, and accomplishments. In a sense it reminds me of those stupid marketing emails I get that joyfully exclaim that I have "unlocked" some sort of access to a sale price - as if I have taken an action or even beaten the boss in a video game. People, even well-meaning people who don't support the gender identity movement, will say they "identify as" things they materially are. They've just heard it so many times they adopt the language without thinking about it.
I hope to see more about the identity phenomenon in general and its consequences. Maybe I can craft a good essay about it.
"Your pain is ancient but its name is new. You believe you’re transgender because you live in a culture swimming in transgender. Have you heard of culturally bound phenomena? Gender identity education has been a part of grade school curricula for only about a decade. With this, transgender identities have spiked among kids with trans friends who otherwise lack risk factors. Like any cultural trend, it clusters generationally. It’s 'quintupled' among 18- to 24-year olds, 'quadrupled' in the next age group, and 'exploded' in new cohorts, while its umbrella is constantly growing."
Yes! Kids are becoming trans because we're teaching them how and making a huge fuss over them when they do. I recently compared the trans and gender identity resources that my university provides students with the gay, bisexual and lesbian programming. We gays are an afterthought now.
However I think a caveat is that any parents who might want to give this advice to their trans-identified sons, should also understand, and let them know, about the mechanics that are going on in their head first, best described in the perennial "gender dysphoria is not one thing" below.
Then they should certainly follow everything in this piece.
Brilliant. People are so caught up in labels and identity, and none of it is so important. You don’t need surgery or hormones to become a better version of yourself.
Great advice. I have a friend who has a 16 year old (boy) and 13 year old (girl) that luckily have no question as to their gender identity but she says many of their friends are so confused. This was not a thing kids in rhw 50s and 60s even thought about and puberty is hard enough without the added stress of trying to figure out what gender you are. I've only know a few gays and lesbians and I don't think any wanted to change sexes. Doctors are supposed to do no harm but even one instance of a young person on puberty blockers or testosterone treatments, both of which can make them infertile, or having sex assignment surgery and regretting it in a few years is enough to not allow it until they are at least 18 when there mind is more mature. Puberty is not a time when young people are able to think straight.
What excellent, grounded advice. Thanks for taking the time to write something so practical and insightful: the (considerably shorter) time I invested in reading it was tremendously rewarding, and I’m not even affected by these issues, fortunately.
I do appreciate good writing, though, and this was a terrific piece. I hope it comes to the attention of some people who would benefit. All the best.
I have thought this as well. Who says being a male or female has to look a certain way? I’m far from your classic “girly girl” but I am still a woman. We don’t have to try to force ourselves to be a specific thing in order to be one gender or another. Being authentic to yourself is a lot harder than having surgery to change your appearance!
Clothes are communication, and a cross dressing man is a liar. He is not feminine, he is not of the nature to produce ovum and carry children and his function as a human is distinct from a woman’s.
The crossdresser gets nothing out of his deviance if it isn’t obvious to others. His version of hell is probably a place where all fashion and beauty is unisex, where frilly dresses and lipstick are as ubiquitous as a pair of jeans.
It’s not about the clothing. It’s what the clothes communicate.
What a fantastic essay. Your advice for young people to go out and DO things rather than identify as something - I've been telling young men this for years. You are very insightful and articulate.
Shannon, this is -so- good. You’ve given voice to so many things I want to say and have tried in vain to say to my ROGD trans-ID kid. Thank you
I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope for peace for you, your kid and your family.
Thank you. I wish I could give this to every trans-identified young man in my daughter's social circle. Contrary to popular belief, they are not narcissistic jerks. They are not whiny or snow flake-y. I've met several absolutely lovely, sweet and kind young men who are so, so confused. There is no doubt in my mind that if they continue on this path, most will come to regret it. My heart aches for them.
I want to upvote this about a million times.
❤️
The reason that they ask you is they know that you don’t hate them, but you also will talk to them straight. That should not be so rare, but it seems to be.
❤️
Thank you, Shannon, you are spot-on.
Also, thank you for pointing to the modern phenomenon of identity culture. This has been bothering me for years. It's a linguistic sleight of hand that disembodies people, that centers self as avatar, rather that experiences, actions, and accomplishments. In a sense it reminds me of those stupid marketing emails I get that joyfully exclaim that I have "unlocked" some sort of access to a sale price - as if I have taken an action or even beaten the boss in a video game. People, even well-meaning people who don't support the gender identity movement, will say they "identify as" things they materially are. They've just heard it so many times they adopt the language without thinking about it.
I hope to see more about the identity phenomenon in general and its consequences. Maybe I can craft a good essay about it.
Yes, please do write on this! I think about it a lot too.
"linguistic sleight of hand that disembodies people" -- right on!
A common phrase in my therapeutic community is “Being mature doesn’t mean I’m better than everyone else. It means I’m better than who I was.”
"Your pain is ancient but its name is new. You believe you’re transgender because you live in a culture swimming in transgender. Have you heard of culturally bound phenomena? Gender identity education has been a part of grade school curricula for only about a decade. With this, transgender identities have spiked among kids with trans friends who otherwise lack risk factors. Like any cultural trend, it clusters generationally. It’s 'quintupled' among 18- to 24-year olds, 'quadrupled' in the next age group, and 'exploded' in new cohorts, while its umbrella is constantly growing."
Yes! Kids are becoming trans because we're teaching them how and making a huge fuss over them when they do. I recently compared the trans and gender identity resources that my university provides students with the gay, bisexual and lesbian programming. We gays are an afterthought now.
That was fantastically written. Thanks! You actually have a lot more insight into this topic than you give yourself credit for.
I found this a very moving piece.
However I think a caveat is that any parents who might want to give this advice to their trans-identified sons, should also understand, and let them know, about the mechanics that are going on in their head first, best described in the perennial "gender dysphoria is not one thing" below.
Then they should certainly follow everything in this piece.
https://4thwavenow.com/2017/12/07/gender-dysphoria-is-not-one-thing/
Brilliant. People are so caught up in labels and identity, and none of it is so important. You don’t need surgery or hormones to become a better version of yourself.
Well this is the best and most refreshing thing I’ve read in a long time.
“No one who’s hunting boar with a homemade bow and arrow to survive is contemplating whether or not they like their brow ridge.”
I don’t know who you are or where you came from, but I love you and I’m glad I found you. Carry on.
❤️
You have done it again! Left me gobsmacked with your insight, intelligence and your ability to communicate with your words!!
Thank you Shannon.
Great advice. I have a friend who has a 16 year old (boy) and 13 year old (girl) that luckily have no question as to their gender identity but she says many of their friends are so confused. This was not a thing kids in rhw 50s and 60s even thought about and puberty is hard enough without the added stress of trying to figure out what gender you are. I've only know a few gays and lesbians and I don't think any wanted to change sexes. Doctors are supposed to do no harm but even one instance of a young person on puberty blockers or testosterone treatments, both of which can make them infertile, or having sex assignment surgery and regretting it in a few years is enough to not allow it until they are at least 18 when there mind is more mature. Puberty is not a time when young people are able to think straight.
What excellent, grounded advice. Thanks for taking the time to write something so practical and insightful: the (considerably shorter) time I invested in reading it was tremendously rewarding, and I’m not even affected by these issues, fortunately.
I do appreciate good writing, though, and this was a terrific piece. I hope it comes to the attention of some people who would benefit. All the best.
I have thought this as well. Who says being a male or female has to look a certain way? I’m far from your classic “girly girl” but I am still a woman. We don’t have to try to force ourselves to be a specific thing in order to be one gender or another. Being authentic to yourself is a lot harder than having surgery to change your appearance!
Your genitals say.
Clothes are communication, and a cross dressing man is a liar. He is not feminine, he is not of the nature to produce ovum and carry children and his function as a human is distinct from a woman’s.
You have very short hair, often associated with being male. I assume you don't think of your own atypical communication as a lie.
I’m not communicating with short hair that I’m male any more than a man in a kilt is communicating he’s female.
Because it’s not any particular item of clothing or hair style that makes you a cross dresser, but the intent to cross dress.
A man wearing a woman’s dress that accentuates his non-existent, child bearing hips is a liar.
Crossdressing is in the eye of the beholder:
https://shannonthrace.substack.com/p/a-world-without-crossdressing
Very enjoyable, but not convinced.
The crossdresser gets nothing out of his deviance if it isn’t obvious to others. His version of hell is probably a place where all fashion and beauty is unisex, where frilly dresses and lipstick are as ubiquitous as a pair of jeans.
It’s not about the clothing. It’s what the clothes communicate.
Why are you making this comment in reply to me? It’s not like I’ve said anything that requires this response.
“Who says being male or female has to look a certain way?”
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What a fantastic essay. Your advice for young people to go out and DO things rather than identify as something - I've been telling young men this for years. You are very insightful and articulate.