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Nina Paley's avatar

Well said as usual! I find Mary Harrington challenging and interesting but ultimately I need to assert my needs as an adamantly childfree woman. Feminism in my youth showed me I didn’t have to be a mother, or feminine, and I cherish that.

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Carina's avatar

I think you are too focused on social approval rather than on the burdens facing women who become mothers. Feminists aren't "against" having babies, of course, but I’m sympathetic to MH’s argument that the movement’s priorities have been (inadvertently) bad for mothers. In particular, the idea that women should participate in the market economy exactly like men, and that sex differences should be deemphasized in favor of this goal.

It’s true that women face social pressure to have kids, especially from their parents and relatives, but I don’t see it from the feminist movement. Feminists are extremely pro-freedom: birth control, abortion, professional achievements, financial independence from men. And they have largely won. If you want to prioritize your career and not have kids, what is stopping you? It’s easy to prioritize your career. What more can feminists do for you? (Aside from continuing to support legal abortion, which they are.)

Meanwhile, women who want to be mothers find it difficult to prioritize pregnancy and childbirth because financial pressures force us to keep working. Low-earning careers are often the most difficult for women who are pregnant, while high-earning careers require brutal work hours that eat up our fertile years. So maybe you’ll prioritize kids after making partner, or getting tenure, or finishing residency.

Some women are able to stay home with their kids, even in 2023 when one income is rarely enough.... but it comes with risk -- to the family as a whole (if the husband loses his job) and to the woman if he leaves or turns out to be abusive. Every option comes with costs.

Of course, feminists say they want paid family leave in the US, but the lack of momentum around this issue speaks for itself, and that's the most we can expect from feminists today. Motherhood and care-giving are treated as valid reasons for time off work, not as valuable contributions to society that should be supported and incentivized.

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